Accepting yerself :) !!!

The following piece was written full 5 years back. Yet, posting. Enzoy! (if enjoyable :D)

Accepting Yourself

Recently, one of my very well known people, who is physically challenged, said, “I hate the word ‘handicap’! I really do”. The vehemence of the words got me thinking…

What exactly made him say that? As far as I know, the person in consideration is managing his affairs well, living life with a positive note in his head and can anytime boast of a cheerful disposition. But, the above mentioned line showed his frustration more than his acceptance of himself.

I often face questions about my handicap. Frankly speaking, it never upsets me. Rather, I love talking about it. It assures me that the person I am talking with, is, not affected in any way by my handicap and can think of it in a casual way. He/she can question me about my challenge in the same way, as he/she would discuss politics.

In fact, is not each human challenged in one way or the other? My best friend is too conscious of her looks, my uncle is too scared of public-speaking, my teacher wears spectacles…these people, too, are disadvantaged in certain ways, and….these people, too are challenged in certain ways. But it doesn’t affect their daily routines. We all have our own set of ‘positives’ and ‘negatives’, and when we show irritation for one of these, we show unacceptability of our own-self.

I once read somewhere – You can never hate a person; unless you see in him, a tiny reflection of yourself. What it means, is that every negative feeling arises out of your own insecurity…not because the circumstances justify it.

One day, my father said to me. “Except your handicap, I am proud of you, Reema”. Immediately I said, “Dad, My disability and myself are available in a package deal. So, please, either you like me WITH it, or just don’t like me”.

Earlier, I used to get very annoyed when somebody showed ‘sympathy’. The word itself would produce a scowl on my face. Slowly, I learnt that this is how people are taught to react; when they see someone, who, according to them is less happy than themselves. It’s not their fault. Or maybe they just don’t know what to say; and to avoid sounding rude, they start sympathizing. Now, whenever I meet such a person, I use his/her ‘sympathy’ to motivate me to reach that level where the same person would draw inspiration from me.

One Saturday, my friend was staying with me for the night; and, as usual, we started chatting. She is a wonderful person. We talk of everything under the sun, but, somehow, never about my disability. That day, we decided to tell what we feel about each other. About me she said “You are a perfect person, with a lot of qualities. But destiny has given you one drawback.” In a fraction of a second, all my drawbacks, like ‘short height’, ‘laziness’, ‘day-dreaming’, etc came to my mind. She sighed, and further added “But, it is not your fault, and you can’t help it. And then, no one really is perfect.” Then, I realized she was talking about my disability. For sometime, I was quite amazed that she thought of it as a ‘drawback’, as an ‘imperfection’. It had, to be frank, hurt me…because I used to think that my friends respect me for the way I handle my challenge. It never occurred to me that they think of it as something lacking in me.

Slowly, I realized, people have their own set of problems. They won’t waste time sitting and thinking how well you manage yours. Every challenge in life is YOUR own challenge. It’s a general tendency to think of disability as a big ‘curse’, as something that makes people less happy. This, too, is ‘their’ problem, not ours.

Humans, by default, adapt themselves to everything in the best possible way. People have their problems to solve, you have your own and I have my own….so I yeah, I am challenged, yeah I am handicapped. I agree it does pinch a little bit when my friend is pulled off to dance floor in a party while I am left sitting on a chair to dance ‘mentally’…but when he comes back dazed and says ‘I think everyone there was making fun of me’, I can’t help laughing to myself. And when he doesn’t say that, well, it’s always fun watching a good dance…especially when you realize how fortunate you are to be a part of the party.

Just surround yourself with optimistic people and keep yourself productively occupied. :)

You are as happy as you decide to be.