What to Do When someone Dies – Nicci French
To begin, I loved the novel. Nicci French has done complete justice to this commonplace-yet-fresh idea of a grieving widow’s story. Um, excuse me! The story is actually about a widow who is not grieving. Allow me to clarify...
Ellie’s husband dies in a car crash with a hitherto unknown lady (Melina Livingstone) in very unusual setting(s) [His seat belt is unbuckled, Livingstone is well-known for having extra-marital affairs, and he had fought with her wife the same morning].
Not to be convinced with much-convincing evidence about her husband’s deceit, Ellie sets out to solve the mystery. The general stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance *; Ellie however commits herself to the undertaken job most painstakingly. Blurred by doubts about her sanity, aided by her friends’ compassion, and inundated with her husband’s memory, she keeps at her work till situation forces her to give up.
She had walked into Melina Livingstone’s office – and searched thoroughly for anything – just anything. Unable to reveal her real motives, she had lived with her best friend’s identity till it had to be thrown away. Nothing working, she had decided to grieve like a normal widow... However, fate had plans.
Just a few weeks later, her hardwork of disguise, torment and altered identity gives shape, and, the mystery unfolds. Her husband was murdered.
Most intriguing, most captivating, most moving, and most fine... What To Do When Someone Dies is a perfect delight!
*The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as the five stages of grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying.
Moments...
Boat
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Senior citizens council
The Speaking Pen
(By Reema Bansal)
“I maintain files for all the undertaken activities” smiles Mr. R.K. Jain, President - Founder of Senior Citizens Council, Jagadhri (Haryana). He has a knack of picking up issues that corrode the society and dealing with them head-on.
Take obscenity, for instance. Remember the column ‘Spotlight’ at the left top corner of Tribune’s front page? The space carried one lewd photograph almost every day. However, thanks to the initiatives taken by Mr. R.K. Jain, the column stands scrapped. “It upset me to see a reputed newspaper featuring such items on its front page. Hence, I started writing letters to the editor, expressing my sentiments. Upon persistent reception of these letters, the editor felt compelled to take action.”
A retired Assistant Divisional Manager in Life Insurance Corporation, Mr. R.K. Jain felt the urge to devote his time and energy to community benefit. He started working towards the establishment of a society. This was in 1998. Today, hundred members meet up regularly and express their concerns. These are communicated to relevant authorities in written, till it fetches the desired outcome.
After continued correspondence with The Tribune, and backed by positive feedback, Mr. R.K. Jain launched a full-fledged crusade against obscenity. He began writing to Dainik Bhaaskar, Indian Express and Punjab Kesari. The publications are eighty per cent less profane now. “An entire generation rides on the same boat. Why pollute these young minds?” He asks in a passionate voice.
The next agenda was in tune with the name of the society. Tales of sons killing fathers and daughters shunning mothers plagued his mind. However, it served no purpose merely expressing regret over them. He felt that the criminal sons should lose their share of inheritance from their parent’s property. Laws were proposed, all through letters to editors. The ball started rolling. Now, further clauses are being added to the bill. It’s also hoped that people in old age homes would be entitled to monetary compensation by their kids.
There are times the man feels let down, publications don’t respond, or political hassles created. But the force of his emotions and grit spur him on. Dr. Bansal, a close friend, comments, “The enthusiasm and genuineness rub off on you. I don’t remember a single meeting with him, that didn’t leave me motivated.”
One of the recent ideas picked up was ‘Highlighting the strengths of Pratibha Patil, our newly elected President’. While most of the media presented her as a rubber stamp, Mr. R.K. Jain managed to notice some very desirable qualities. Hence began a post-card campaign to highlight the same. The post cards mentioned her ‘Indian way of dressing, talking, and behaving’. “I don’t know the lady in person. But, as a citizen of India, I felt compelled to bring her positive qualities to notice. Her persona exudes Indian-ness.” The 75 year old told the author.
When asked about his gains from these written campaigns, he calmly says, “Being useful to society is a profit in itself. The Council is a public platform, and I’ll keep working through it in as much capacity as I can.”
(By Reema Bansal)
“I maintain files for all the undertaken activities” smiles Mr. R.K. Jain, President - Founder of Senior Citizens Council, Jagadhri (Haryana). He has a knack of picking up issues that corrode the society and dealing with them head-on.
Take obscenity, for instance. Remember the column ‘Spotlight’ at the left top corner of Tribune’s front page? The space carried one lewd photograph almost every day. However, thanks to the initiatives taken by Mr. R.K. Jain, the column stands scrapped. “It upset me to see a reputed newspaper featuring such items on its front page. Hence, I started writing letters to the editor, expressing my sentiments. Upon persistent reception of these letters, the editor felt compelled to take action.”
A retired Assistant Divisional Manager in Life Insurance Corporation, Mr. R.K. Jain felt the urge to devote his time and energy to community benefit. He started working towards the establishment of a society. This was in 1998. Today, hundred members meet up regularly and express their concerns. These are communicated to relevant authorities in written, till it fetches the desired outcome.
After continued correspondence with The Tribune, and backed by positive feedback, Mr. R.K. Jain launched a full-fledged crusade against obscenity. He began writing to Dainik Bhaaskar, Indian Express and Punjab Kesari. The publications are eighty per cent less profane now. “An entire generation rides on the same boat. Why pollute these young minds?” He asks in a passionate voice.
The next agenda was in tune with the name of the society. Tales of sons killing fathers and daughters shunning mothers plagued his mind. However, it served no purpose merely expressing regret over them. He felt that the criminal sons should lose their share of inheritance from their parent’s property. Laws were proposed, all through letters to editors. The ball started rolling. Now, further clauses are being added to the bill. It’s also hoped that people in old age homes would be entitled to monetary compensation by their kids.
There are times the man feels let down, publications don’t respond, or political hassles created. But the force of his emotions and grit spur him on. Dr. Bansal, a close friend, comments, “The enthusiasm and genuineness rub off on you. I don’t remember a single meeting with him, that didn’t leave me motivated.”
One of the recent ideas picked up was ‘Highlighting the strengths of Pratibha Patil, our newly elected President’. While most of the media presented her as a rubber stamp, Mr. R.K. Jain managed to notice some very desirable qualities. Hence began a post-card campaign to highlight the same. The post cards mentioned her ‘Indian way of dressing, talking, and behaving’. “I don’t know the lady in person. But, as a citizen of India, I felt compelled to bring her positive qualities to notice. Her persona exudes Indian-ness.” The 75 year old told the author.
When asked about his gains from these written campaigns, he calmly says, “Being useful to society is a profit in itself. The Council is a public platform, and I’ll keep working through it in as much capacity as I can.”
Monday, September 6, 2010
Ok... So the wall CHIPPED
The wall in my room was chipping, white plaster cover coming off and the paint behind showing. I did these sheets to cover it.
Velapanti sharing!
Velapanti sharing!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Tree Tale
The tree here wass lying to dry in our garden, and being the unemployed and free soul that I amm, I decided to paint it up for decorativwe purposes. Aided by Sanyam, my younger sibling, this was done over a period of two weeks; putting in laborious hours and attempts at co-operation.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
A Stupid Article (written ages back)
Quick Fix Thy Confidence
“Damini* does everything as if perfect”, Ritu*, a first year student of Psychology Honours, Delhi University, often thought to herself. Damini had mastered an essential art of success – confidence. Hence, her demeanour spoke volumes, and gained applause and gained applause wherever she went. While her peers looked upto her, her teachers backed upon her for delegating. “She is exactly like I would want to be. I wish I had the formula…” Ritu would further dwell.
Given a scientific definition, ‘Confidence’ means a mental process that arises from considering if a person or thing is capable of something. Simply put, it means believing in yourself. It is made up of five components : 'social confidence', 'physical presence', 'stage presence', 'status confidence' and 'peer independence'. As a psychological quality, confidence is related to, but distinct from, self esteem.
Here are a few tips on gaining confidence, be it for entering a long-dreamt-of-job, or for dealing articulately with your mother in law…
Feel Confident
“As is our confidence, so is our capacity”, said William Hazlitt, the reputed humanistic writer. Behave as if you are already the person of your dreams. It doesn’t mean you exude over-confidence; that can have multi repercussions, but, believe that you CAN BECOME what you want to, and behave accordingly.
Firstly, it’ll make people look up to you positively. Secondly, you’ll feel good about yourself and put better efforts into doing everything; thus producing better results. We often get to hear of performers who made errors on stage, but got away with it as their confidence overshadowed the lacunae.
Be Integrated
“Honesty is the best virtue” the old adage holds truth even today. An integrated individual doesn’t need to fear anything. Thus, confidence begins to set in on its own. On the other hand, even the smallest lie produces fear evoking chemicals in the brain. This can cause choking. Choking refers to losing confidence, especially self-confidence, just at the moment when it is needed most e.g. in sports.Be honest -to yourself, to others, and to your work. It’ll make you strong.
Further, have thorough knowledge of your work. “This wisdom will uplift your morale”, says Dr. Karan, Ph.d in Education, Panjab University. When you know something in-depth, you also know that your opinion in that matter will stand unchallenged. Hence, it produces confidence.
Feel Positive
“Be positive. Confidence can get you where you want to go, and getting there is a daily process. It’s so much easier when you feel good about yourself, your abilities and talents”, remarked Donald Trump, the famous Billionaire Real Estate Developer, USA
In other words, love yourself, and love life. When you love something, you give it your best, hence enhancing its positive worth.
Negative thoughts suck energy from our minds and bodies and block the flow of positive messages. We need to hear the positive messages as they will build self confidence and raise our self esteem. Use your inner thoughts to talk to yourself in a positive manner, as often as you can. As said by Henry Ford, founder of the Ford Motor Company, “If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.”
Be Principled
Stick to your principles, and believe in your ideas. Further, have the courage to stand up for what you believe is correct. Whether it is for supporting a cause or going in the direction of your objectives, be firm on your morals. This provides with an identity and a sense of belonging, especially when people join in your mission.
“A clear vision, backed by definite plans, gives you a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power”, says Brian Tracy, motivational coach and author. Have Bull’s Eye, confidence will itself come looking for you!
Feel Supported
Have a close group of friends. Nurture the relationships. It’ll give you a firm footing, both in times of happiness and distress. Knowing that there are people you can back upon keeps you uplifted. These bonds stay within you, wherever you go; thus making you feel confident.
Further, eveyrbody has limitations. When you feel accepted despite yourlimitations, you learn to forgive yourself; further elevating the levels of confidence. Says John Edmond, the famous musician, ‘Make sure you smile when you meet people”. He explains that this spreads warmth, a dramatic affect on others and on one’s self confidence.
Be Good
Eat good, dress good, and live good. It’ll reflect in your persona, thus making you feel self-sure. Dress as smartly and as classily as you can. It feels great when you are wearing your best clothes, are well groomed, and are surrounded by a clean environment. Even if it’s Sunday, put on nice clothes, get the car washed, style that hair! Hairdressers often say, "Everyday is show time", when it comes to self confidence it holds tremendous truth.
Quick Fix Tips
1. Focus on what you love. If you really enjoy something you will have the persistence and patients to work at it. Confidence often comes with experience and practice.
2. Take it step by step. Do all the groundwork required, rather then thinking you have to have everything immediately. Each step you complete will give you more clarity and ideas on how you can move closer to your goal. This instils confidence.
5. Invest in yourself. If you want to do something, be willing to invest the time, money and resources required for your success. Assured investments bring home success.
6. Release your doubt. Everybody has doubts at some time in their lives. Instead of putting all your energy into doubts and thinking why something will not work, place your energy on how it can work. This will allow your imagination to take flight. Creative thinking provides with confidence.
7. There are no failures just feedback. If you do something which does not work, it does not mean that you have failed. Make new choices and you will get a different result. It’ll build up inner confidence.
Here are some situational tips…
- For exams revise smartly and in plenty of time
- For parties, know the dress code and wear something that makes you feel fabulous
- Have a few questions to ask new people you meet (what do you do, have you read ...)
- Smile, as people gravitate towards happy looking people
- Say something nice to yourself three times every morning
- Whenever talking to someone, look in the eye
- Stand or sit correctly, as it sends out a positive message to the world, and in turn, back to you
We often envy people who have little fear of the unknown, are able to stand up for what they believe in, and have the courage to risk embarrassment (for instance, by giving a presentation to a large group of people). These people, like Damini, have mastered the art of confidence. However, confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it, and those with it may succeed because they have it, rather than because of an innate ability.
Ritu found her confidence mantra by excelling in college debate society. It gave her an edge over the others, and she felt assured of herself in all situations. Develop your unique mantra like her, and get going. “With confidence, you can reach truly amazing heights; and without confidence, even the simplest accomplishments go beyond your grasp”, said Jim Loehr, the world-renowned performance psychologist
Finally, as is suggested by the meaning itself, have faith – on yourself, on others, and on Cosmos. The first one is most important as only the person who has faith in himself is able to be faithful to others. The same is suggested by Erich Fromm, philosopher writer, in all his writings.
“Damini* does everything as if perfect”, Ritu*, a first year student of Psychology Honours, Delhi University, often thought to herself. Damini had mastered an essential art of success – confidence. Hence, her demeanour spoke volumes, and gained applause and gained applause wherever she went. While her peers looked upto her, her teachers backed upon her for delegating. “She is exactly like I would want to be. I wish I had the formula…” Ritu would further dwell.
Given a scientific definition, ‘Confidence’ means a mental process that arises from considering if a person or thing is capable of something. Simply put, it means believing in yourself. It is made up of five components : 'social confidence', 'physical presence', 'stage presence', 'status confidence' and 'peer independence'. As a psychological quality, confidence is related to, but distinct from, self esteem.
Here are a few tips on gaining confidence, be it for entering a long-dreamt-of-job, or for dealing articulately with your mother in law…
Feel Confident
“As is our confidence, so is our capacity”, said William Hazlitt, the reputed humanistic writer. Behave as if you are already the person of your dreams. It doesn’t mean you exude over-confidence; that can have multi repercussions, but, believe that you CAN BECOME what you want to, and behave accordingly.
Firstly, it’ll make people look up to you positively. Secondly, you’ll feel good about yourself and put better efforts into doing everything; thus producing better results. We often get to hear of performers who made errors on stage, but got away with it as their confidence overshadowed the lacunae.
Be Integrated
“Honesty is the best virtue” the old adage holds truth even today. An integrated individual doesn’t need to fear anything. Thus, confidence begins to set in on its own. On the other hand, even the smallest lie produces fear evoking chemicals in the brain. This can cause choking. Choking refers to losing confidence, especially self-confidence, just at the moment when it is needed most e.g. in sports.Be honest -to yourself, to others, and to your work. It’ll make you strong.
Further, have thorough knowledge of your work. “This wisdom will uplift your morale”, says Dr. Karan, Ph.d in Education, Panjab University. When you know something in-depth, you also know that your opinion in that matter will stand unchallenged. Hence, it produces confidence.
Feel Positive
“Be positive. Confidence can get you where you want to go, and getting there is a daily process. It’s so much easier when you feel good about yourself, your abilities and talents”, remarked Donald Trump, the famous Billionaire Real Estate Developer, USA
In other words, love yourself, and love life. When you love something, you give it your best, hence enhancing its positive worth.
Negative thoughts suck energy from our minds and bodies and block the flow of positive messages. We need to hear the positive messages as they will build self confidence and raise our self esteem. Use your inner thoughts to talk to yourself in a positive manner, as often as you can. As said by Henry Ford, founder of the Ford Motor Company, “If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.”
Be Principled
Stick to your principles, and believe in your ideas. Further, have the courage to stand up for what you believe is correct. Whether it is for supporting a cause or going in the direction of your objectives, be firm on your morals. This provides with an identity and a sense of belonging, especially when people join in your mission.
“A clear vision, backed by definite plans, gives you a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power”, says Brian Tracy, motivational coach and author. Have Bull’s Eye, confidence will itself come looking for you!
Feel Supported
Have a close group of friends. Nurture the relationships. It’ll give you a firm footing, both in times of happiness and distress. Knowing that there are people you can back upon keeps you uplifted. These bonds stay within you, wherever you go; thus making you feel confident.
Further, eveyrbody has limitations. When you feel accepted despite yourlimitations, you learn to forgive yourself; further elevating the levels of confidence. Says John Edmond, the famous musician, ‘Make sure you smile when you meet people”. He explains that this spreads warmth, a dramatic affect on others and on one’s self confidence.
Be Good
Eat good, dress good, and live good. It’ll reflect in your persona, thus making you feel self-sure. Dress as smartly and as classily as you can. It feels great when you are wearing your best clothes, are well groomed, and are surrounded by a clean environment. Even if it’s Sunday, put on nice clothes, get the car washed, style that hair! Hairdressers often say, "Everyday is show time", when it comes to self confidence it holds tremendous truth.
Quick Fix Tips
1. Focus on what you love. If you really enjoy something you will have the persistence and patients to work at it. Confidence often comes with experience and practice.
2. Take it step by step. Do all the groundwork required, rather then thinking you have to have everything immediately. Each step you complete will give you more clarity and ideas on how you can move closer to your goal. This instils confidence.
5. Invest in yourself. If you want to do something, be willing to invest the time, money and resources required for your success. Assured investments bring home success.
6. Release your doubt. Everybody has doubts at some time in their lives. Instead of putting all your energy into doubts and thinking why something will not work, place your energy on how it can work. This will allow your imagination to take flight. Creative thinking provides with confidence.
7. There are no failures just feedback. If you do something which does not work, it does not mean that you have failed. Make new choices and you will get a different result. It’ll build up inner confidence.
Here are some situational tips…
- For exams revise smartly and in plenty of time
- For parties, know the dress code and wear something that makes you feel fabulous
- Have a few questions to ask new people you meet (what do you do, have you read ...)
- Smile, as people gravitate towards happy looking people
- Say something nice to yourself three times every morning
- Whenever talking to someone, look in the eye
- Stand or sit correctly, as it sends out a positive message to the world, and in turn, back to you
We often envy people who have little fear of the unknown, are able to stand up for what they believe in, and have the courage to risk embarrassment (for instance, by giving a presentation to a large group of people). These people, like Damini, have mastered the art of confidence. However, confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it, and those with it may succeed because they have it, rather than because of an innate ability.
Ritu found her confidence mantra by excelling in college debate society. It gave her an edge over the others, and she felt assured of herself in all situations. Develop your unique mantra like her, and get going. “With confidence, you can reach truly amazing heights; and without confidence, even the simplest accomplishments go beyond your grasp”, said Jim Loehr, the world-renowned performance psychologist
Finally, as is suggested by the meaning itself, have faith – on yourself, on others, and on Cosmos. The first one is most important as only the person who has faith in himself is able to be faithful to others. The same is suggested by Erich Fromm, philosopher writer, in all his writings.
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